It's one of they Sunday afternoon

It's been a while, blah blah and so on. I've just read over my old posts and it's interesting, though I only wrote all that pretty recently I'm kind of cringing at some of the stuff. I guess that's how it goes. It's very easy to always slate our "former selves", but the truth is it wasn't some other person it was "me" and it still is "me". It's good to keep the lessons of the past because there's always something to learn, but ignorance gets us clinging and it's really pointless. We can't alter our former self or gain anything by cussing him or by wishing we were more like him now, because "he" just doesn't exist. By doing these things we are really struggling with the only self there is, that's right here on this chair, this confused mass of fudge, bones and electricity.

Our relationship with the self is really the key to everything. If we don't get on with our self I think it makes it more difficult to get on with anything or anyone. On the other hand if we could accept our self completely, and to give an extreme (hypothetical) example, if we could even be fully content and chilled out if say, suddenly we found ourself floating out in space in a little box with no windows and no telly, if we could learn to just be, at peace with our own mind and experience, then surely we would find it easier to get on with all of this here on earth, this society, this desk-job, this wife, or husband. I'm not saying we've got to be perfect, there really is no such thing¹, but just to try and look at things a bit differently, paying attention to our thoughts when we're sifting through the past (or the storyline of now or the possibilities of later), with every bit of our self, all the shit, unsightly or appealing, rooted in the present. To maybe be a bit kinder, patient, understanding and honest with our self. That way you don't have to battle so much with everything else because any external battle, struggle or confusion isn't actually about the relationship with the thing or person, it's really about the relationship you have with you. And when we're more at ease with our self, we can understand others better and have better relationships because we see that we're all no different.

I could carry on writing but I'll let you take it from there, whatever you make of it. And my hungover head keeps stalling and lingering. No need to overdo it, right? I've got a full week's work ahead of me and forms to fill in. I think I'll just watch the next episode of Heroes and have some leftovers for lunch.

As for an update, right now I've just applied for my Foundation (FdSc) in Horticulture at Duchy College. Plan to do three years (including a 'top-up' year Bsc Hons I can do elsewhere if I choose) and find somewhere to stay in Penzance (if anyone knows about any house shares or anything or is looking for somewhere also around Sep give me a shout!). So, I'm looking forward to that, the course looks pretty good. Got the odd bit of labouring work, some voluntary gardening, starting driving lessons soon and just ready for a bit of summer sun and beaching! Oh and been doing much guitar playing, writing and jamming and getting into the open mic nights a bit... That's about it. I plan to de a bit more of this blogging too.

Happy birthday Teagan, last night was a good laugh!

Youtube clip: Thich Nhat Hanh on mindfulness. I read a good book by him recently 'Being Peace'. This is my favourite video at the moment next to Sigur Rós' Heima.

¹ I don't hold to that completely. I think there is a kind of perfection - something for another day though. "True perfection seems imperfect, yet it is perfectly itself. True fullness seems empty, yet it is fully present. True straightness seems crooked. True wisdom seems foolish. True art seems artless." - Lao Tze, Tao Te Ching.